I was gong through an old iPad the other day and found a short script.
It was written for Doctor Who Festival which was held at Excel in London in November 2015. I was the host of the Drama stage where we got the audience involved in some Time Lord action. You can read more about my time at the event here.
One of the sessions lifted the lid on the Daleks, with voice actor Nicholas Briggs and Dalek operator Barnaby Edwards on hand to reveal how they brought Skaro’s finest to life.
As part of the show, we got some kids up on stage to act out an ‘exclusive’ Dalek scene. Two young actors took the roles of UNIT soldiers, while the third took a Dalek for a spin.
This was the script I wrote for them to perform. The brief was to:
a) write something cheesy,
b) involve a little bit of movement to put our trainee Dalek through its paces, and,
c) include a few tongue-twisters for our poor squaddies.
As you will see, it was definitely cheesy!
Here’s the script saved for posterity. It’s certainly not the best thing I’ve ever written (!) but we had a lot of laughs with it on the stage.
THE DRAMA SCHOOL OF THE DALEKS
A UNIT SERGEANT IS STANDING NEXT TO A LARGE POLYSTYRENE ROCK CHECKING HIS WATCH. A PRIVATE MARCHES UP AND SALUTES.
Private Cannon-Fodder reporting for duty, Sarge.
THE SERGEANT RETURNS THE SALUTE.
About time. Davros’s diabolical Daleks have breached the Doctor’s defenses.
Surely they can’t be worse than that lot from Raxacoricofallapatorius.
That’s easy for you to say!
A DALEK APPEARS FROM THE CORNER OF THE STAGE AND TRUNDLES TOWARDS THE SOLDIERS.
Seek! Locate! Annihilate! The Doctor must be Exterminated!
THE SERGEANT POINTS AT THE ROCK.
Quick, booby-trap that highly convincing boulder. If the Dalek touches the rock, it’ll explode!
THE UNIT SOLDIERS FIDDLE WITH THE BOULDER AND THEN STAND BACK, CONVINCED THEIR PLAN WILL WORK.
Scanning rock formation! Primitive explosive device located. Altering course!
THE DALEK EASILY MAKES ITS WAY AROUND THE BOULDER.
What are we going to do?
I’ll handle this, lad!
THE SERGEANT STEPS BRAVELY IN FRONT OF THE DALEK AND RAISES HIS HAND.
Oi you! Stop in the name of UNIT!
THE DALEK EXTERMINATES THE SARGE, WHO DIES DRAMATICALLY, FALLING IN FRONT OF THE DALEK.
THE DALEK CAN’T GET PAST.
Ha! The Sarge is blocking your way! You can’t get past. The Doctor is safe!
THE DALEK LOOKS AT THE AUDIENCE, THEN BACK AT THE PRIVATE.
THE PRIVATE EXITS STAGE LEFT, SCREAMING.
END OF SCENE